Attachment. 

I did say I'll address it.
HAHA.
Yes I'm alone.
Not surprising anyway.

I guess my priorities now isn't getting a partner.
I feel it isn't a necessity to have one. 
But rather a want these days.
I can't say I have experience.
Hence I can't give the best advice to others.
But I've seen so many, heard so many.
I know a couple of things of my own.

At this stage, people my age.
We say we're serious about things. 
But really, we're just trying. 
We're in the midst of ending our teenage years.
And entering the uncharted territories of adulthood.
We're not certain about anything. 
Because we're in the trial period of life.
How can we say for sure we're serious?
How can we promise that he/she is the only one?

Like I said, we're uncertain.
Promises made will be promises broken.

And of course, perhaps wanting a relationship.
Is not what it seem.
Unknowingly it's a trophy we want.
Because in this day and age, 
We instagram, we tweet, we post.
Everyone else has a picture of a significant other.
Everyone else has someone to listen to.
Everyone else isn't alone.

And so people scramble.
Without really knowing each other.
And perhaps some attraction and infatuation.
They get into a relationship.

Don't get me wrong.
I'm in a westernized but still very much Asian city.
We have a similar generalized system.
How?

Here, we don't exactly date.
We text, we flirt, we go out.
But that's not dating. We usually know the other.
And I wouldn't call it in a friend zone either. 
But once there's infatuation, 
BAM!
Relationship status update.

Then honeymoon phase comes.
The phase with excessive emojis.
Yeah. The excessive texts comes with it too. 
Infatuation is still going strong. 
And time is mostly spent on each other.

Soon arrives the trying times of the couple.
The relationship starts to slow down a bit.
And more space is given between each other.
And what I mean by space is,
Spending time away from each other,
With other people.
Bros, friends whatever.

And tolerance is here!
They learn things about each other.
Good and usually the bad.
And infatuation fades into what I call tolerance.

Some may stay that way. Some may grow stronger.
But sometimes, we know it ends.
Because the patience test begins.
Where jealously can be alive and kicking.
Sometimes literally.
And arguments happen.

Eventually the fine line wears off.
And they could go back to tolerating each other.
With a bit of time off.
Or they could never go back again.

Sometimes. I feel like this whole relationship thing.
Is like a tolerance and patience test.
And I never call it love. Because from what I see usually,
It's infatuation, then patience.
Love is a rarity. Even if spoken or written many times.
Or I like to picture it as this.
Like we have skinny and curvy and fit bodies.
And then we have the photoshopped/plastic so called perfect body.
With all three of the characteristics.
It can also be natural. But we all know it's rare.

I'll like to think love is that. The so called perfection we want.
And what some people think they have. 
And what some people think they need. 
Something that is hard to achieve.

And this is part of the reason why I have commitment issues.
I have liked people enough to know a fair share.
And because the above content is my belief,
I lost it. I couldn't like someone like how they felt about me.
It wasn't because of the lack of feelings.
It was because of the lack of shared mentality.

You can say my mentality can be changed.
As I mature.
But what if it stuck with you all along. 
Even in childhood?
Maybe you wouldn't have much to say would you?

Because at the end of the day, it's perspective.
It's experience.
It's memories.
That build our mentality this way.
And that's how I was built that way. 
Cold and stubborn.
Cynical to anyone who tells me their love story.

But I wouldn't rule love out.
In my opinion, the person I will love,
And love me,
Will either change my mentality,
Or share my mentality.
It'll be extremely rare. 

So I'm staying alone for now.
Because I'm a stubborn, cold soul.
But a delicate heart.
And because it is not necessary,
Not a given rule,
Not a must,
That I need a partner to live a good life.

Because *I* live my life.
And I want to live differently for now.

Is not needed.

A Fact.

Did say I'll try blogging again.
I'll like to view this as a diary.
A diary I'm not afraid to show. 

I hear my ex-classmates on their respective internship.
And it pains me because I fell ill.
And for that I'll have to start with a new class.
It's like enrollment all over again.

On the bright side after my internship,
Possibly starting September or August,
I'll be able to graduate instead of coming back
To school.

But at this point,
A third year student,
I'm still lost.
Really, what do I want to do in life?

I'm not certain if I want to continue in Tourism.
Or even business related.

But I won't view it as a mistake. 
I'll view it as a learning experience.
Because life throws you all sorts of shit.
Believe me I've been through a couple of my own. 
And I'm sure everyone else has too.

But what makes the difference is how we view
Our decisions.
Choices.
And perhaps make a difference in how our lives eventually roll out.

Bah. I'm getting all faux philosopher here.
Pardon my ignorance.
I am after all coming to 19 only.
And I'm still very much alone.

I'll address that in my next post.

I think I may try changing my layout a bit.
And I can't promise myself daily entries.
Especially since school's starting next week.
Maybe monthly updates?
Perhaps I can look back on this.
Yeah. Maybe.

Well...

Back.

It's been a while hasn't it?
It's been like 3 years since I last posted.
Things definitely have changed.

For instance I'm in my third year in SP.
Well at least in a week's time.
Last semester before 6 months internship.
Totally new class for the following reason:

I've become much weaker than before. 
That's depressing HAHA.
Anyway I'm trying to recover well. 
It's been one terrible experience.

Besides that I'm trying to start everything fresh.
And that also means I'm trying to erase myself.
From individuals. 
I think I'm tired of letting myself down.
And others as well. 

I know myself well. I can never commit.
To anything or anyone. I just can't.
For instance.
I never believed in best friends.
Because in my case they'll always walk.
Not because the problem lies with them.
It lies with me.

So I think I'm content not being anyone's important person.
And I think it makes me feel better even.
At the end of the day.
I know the only person I can commit to,
Is myself. And probably that's it.

Yes, even I find myself selfish. 
But I just can't be someone I'm not.
Any longer. It's tiring.
Trying to please others. 
And I understand why one of my friends always decide to go solo.

Perhaps I can learn from her. 
And save myself from this shit called Life.
And stop complicating situations. 

Anyway I'll try blogging again. 
Or bail out as always.
Who reads this anyway. 
Me duh. 

For Now.

Faithful.

Haven't been blogging since September!
Anyway I'm back.
And I'm close to my sweet Sixteenth birthday soon.
And bloody O's.


Damn.
Anyway I've been to Korea
(WHICH WAS AWESOME.)
And Hong Kong for the second half of
Last year.
Sigh. Now time to work REALLY hard.


I envy all my seniors now...
I want to drop A maths.
But I can't bring myself to say it.
SIGH.


But hey!
I promised myself to be an optimist this year.
And I really want to acheive that.


Seeing all my friends having boy troubles.
It worries me.
I'm glad I don't have that.


Bet no one's going to read this dead blog.
Except me of course.


I'm going to work hard for O's.
And I am going to be successful.
I know I can.
And I know I will.


Falling Clovers.

Over.


AH. YOG's over.
That's sad.
But at least I saw Thomas Daley live.
OMFG. HE'S HOT.


Okay. Enough about that.
I was also really lucky enough
To go to Universal Studios on Wednesday.
Since Janziel could not go
For the YOG Workforce Appreciation Party.
OMG IT WAS AWESOME!
Especially the Mummy Returns ride.
THANKS JANZIEL!
Hope you like The Last Olympian.


Anyway.
COUNCIL IS GOING TO HONG KONG!
HOW COOL IS THAT?!
GOING OVERSEAS TWICE A YEAR!
OMG.


That means I have to work hard
For EOY.
DAMN. I'm scared.


Okay.
There's like this stupid rumor
Going around.
And DAMN IT.
I don't look good with him.
And I don't like him.


Besides. I'm not in that position to.
Ah. Man.
I'm screwed for EOY.


AH. Look on the bright side.
I'm gonna book tickets to go to
Universal Studios after exams.
Gonna go with friends!
It is, after all,
The only time to relax before
O Levels come knocking
On my door.


Time passes so quickly eh?


I wonder...

Youth.


Whoa.
It's finally Youth Olympics.
GOSH. I really hope I can see Thomas Daley in person.
(I've actually mentioned him in one of my first few posts when I started blogging.)
He's hot.
And a great diver too.
Too bad he didn't get anything during Beijing Olympics.
HAHA!


Anyway, gonna watch
4 AWESOME events.
Yeah.
20 Aug (Thurs)- Tennis Semi
22 Aug (Sat)- Tennis Finals
23 Aug (Sun)- Diving 3m Boys
25 Aug (Wed)- Football finals Boys
Tight schedule eh?


Man.
Trying to get that YOG tee from Shirree is not easy.
Hmmph Cass Chong.
TSK.
So rich.
LEAVE ME ALONE LAA.
Got money go superstore and buy.
TSK.


Gonna watch Fried Rice Paradise
On Sat after YOG ends.
SERIOUSLY CAN'T WAIT.


Should go out soon.
AHHH.
Need to spend time to de-stress.
Opening Ceremony starting soon.
YEAH!


Missing you.

Time has passed...


Whoa. I've not updated for a LONG TIME.
I guess I'm too addicted to facebook-ing.
Hah.


Anyways, lots have happened lately.
Since no one really comes to my blog
Nowadays...
(Since I've not updated in a long time.)
Might as well just say everything here then.


I'm vice of choir now.
But I kind of don't really like it.
(Not that I want to be President)
Ah. Might as well accept it.


Time has passed.
And friends have changed.
It's depressing to see people change
Because of leadership, power.
And even more disgusted,
To see others just licking off their boots.


My life sounds depressing eh?
HAHA.
It isn't actually.
Most people don't know this.
But I'm kind of attached now.


NO.
He's not from school.
(OH COME ON. I'm not a fool)
I really sincerely hope you wouldn't tell anyone.
Sure, you can ask me about it.
But no, you can't spread it.


From my previous post you can actually guess
Who he is.
HAHA!
Yeah. Childhood friend.
Though I don't see him often,
But yeah,
He's sweet.


Bah! Enough about that.
I'm not going to disclose any other details now.
No matter how you check my facebook or my phone.
There isn't gonna be any trace or signs.
HAHA!
So don't think about trying!


So yeah.
School rumors are out of my league.
AND
Happy Birthday Singapore. (:


Time will only tell if love is true...

An Old Flame.


OP Idol was AWESOME.
It went really well.
Congrats to HASHY. AYU. WILSON.
^^


So lately I've been getting along well
With my childhood friend.
Even if I name him,
No one would know his name.


It's been a long time.
Could this be a start of something new?
Which I always say.


That is uncertain.
An old flame.
Actually, that's not a right way to put it.
Since it never ACTUALLY ended.
He just left Singapore then.
Leaving everything hanging.


And he's already back.
And in touch with him again.
(Both our mums are good friends. ^^)
So yeah. I guess you can say
That it's coming back.
As I visit him again and again.


A feeling? You ask?
That.
I really don't know. Seriously.
That doesn't sound like me.
At all.
Most of the time I give a definite answer when I asked
About who I like.


Maybe it's just that we're REALLY good friends?
I can't determine right now.


Well... I guess things have changed.
And so do people.
So there.
The long anticipated question has finally been answered.


But still.
I'm not that silly as to jump into something serious.
HAHA!
I'm still sensible Carene okay?
And my studies DEFINITELY comes first.


Who knows? It might just happen...

Finally.


Decided to update again. HAHA.
Seriously have nothing better to do.


Sec 3 life is getting better.
But I think I'm failing my tests.
OH GOD.
That's SO not a good sign.


Bio and Phy tests coming up soon.
Better start to study and buck up.
I can't afford to fail anymore.
After A Maths and E Maths.
UGH.


At least I kind of like Bio and A Maths?
Though I'm not doing so well?
Look on the bright side.
At least I get to see my closest friends. (:


Can't believe I got caught up with a stupid misunderstanding.
SUCKS.
Seriously.
I'm not anyone's ex.
And I don't have the 'cute or pretty' looks to date anyone anyway.
AND... For now, I don't like anyone.
We shall see in the near future. May happen?
WHO KNOWS? HAHA.


My phone has been silent for a while now.
JIN JIN! ARIEL!
SMS ME!
Super boring life I'm living now.


At least I get to emcee for OP Idol.
And bake for Valentine's Day.
Arts Panache and Choir Concert coming soon too.
AND...


AUSSIE! HERE I COME! (:


Hope Ariel will be able to come though.
If not I would be so sad...


I MISS 2A1!
Gosh. I wish I could go back in time.


I guess it's time to rest now.


Fearless.

A While.


Nowadays.
Not in the mood to blog.
Just updating for the sake of updating.


School just started today.
And all I can say is that I'm miserable.
Not a single close person in my class.
Not even talking to anyone.
This sucks.


A Maths is killing me.
Slowly.
I wonder how I can survive Sec 3.


There was Sec 1 Orientation today.
Was stuck with 1C1.
They were okay. But can't say the best class.
I'm exhausted just by talking about it.


Choir going Aussie this June.
Awesome.
Council might go Korea or Japan.
I hope we can go Korea.
Especially winter time.
I love winter and autumn.


Might be a while from now to update.
Haiz.
I'm like active on Facebook.
And I'm not on blogger.


Anyway.
I got to get some brain juice soon.


3191 Miles Apart.

Hiatus.


Back from camp.
I LOVE THE CAMPFIRE.
Full stop.


I got leeched during trekking.
It was like crap laa.
Sucking my blood.
Freaking leech.


And Paintball.
That was really thrilling.
In a bad way.
Though I didn't get hit.


But the waterfall at Kota Tinggi was really nice.


Still have Sec 4 farewell...
Just one more and I'll be free!
I have GOT to go to Orchard.
And stock up on books.
And CDs!


Pretty tired now.
Just updating for the sake of updating...


OH.


I'M IN 3S3!
So little people from 2A1 in that class laa.
Sad.
Gonna miss 2A1.
At least I'm in a science class.


I think I'm gonna turn in early today.
Pfft.
Don't disturb me!
Hiss!


Disturbed.

Choices.


The music fest @ Xishan Primary is over.
Sigh, I miss Xishan now...
Can't make it for their concert.
Sob.


One more thing left
Before I'm officially free!
Council Camp.
God.
I hope it's a good one
I'm not exactly liking the camp tee.
Shush.


18 November.
I'll be knowing the next two years of my life.
My school life, that is.


Can't wait to go out to Orchard.
Have got to buy books.
Plenty too.
Thank goodness Sam's coming.
If not I'll be bored all day long.


If you're wondering
Yes, I still LOVE Inuyasha.
And now,
Ouran Koukou Host Club too.
But I'm not an anime freak.
I only watch nice ones.


Complications.
Plenty of that.
But I'm not going to bother with that.
What's done, is done.
Full stop.


I guess I'll blog again when I come back.
Ick.
The wet weather is making me sick.


Chopin.

Time.


2A1 has officially separated.
Most of them are going to pure.
Well...
I guess I won't be in the same class as them.


18 November.
I hope I get into a good class.
How nerve wrecking.


I doubt I'll be enjoying my 'holiday'
Damn the next 2 weeks.
And camp.
UGH.
I hate camps.
Did I mention that before?


Should go out sometime soon.
Maybe a nice movie would do the trick.
New Moon?
I hope it's not as 'bloody' bad as the first one.


Someone should sponsor the werewolves
With a new wardrobe each.
Put on some clothes, for God's sake!


Kept thinking about my class.
UGH.
I should really get it off my mind.
It's poisoning me.
Wonder if there is going to be another
Class chalet?
Hope so.


Still gaga over Inuyasha.


True.

Gack!


Whoa...
Time really flies...
I've not been updating lately...
Pretty obvious.


School starts tomorrow...
Getting back exam results.
Oh.
Pray for the best.


I'm just glad exams' over...
Gonna have a camp at Kota Tinggi
Council Camp.
Gack!
I hate camps.


Went out with Jin Li, Evelyn and Sam
To orchard we went!
On Friday.
LOVE (500) Days Of Summer.
Love it to the core.


I hope we have another outing soon.
More Neoprints.
More shopping, of course.
And The Cocoa Tree.
Must stock on Jelly Belly!


Maybe we should go see New Moon?
I guess it's up to their decision...


I love the New Moon soundtrack!
Why do their soundtracks rock?
Why do their movies suck?
Hmm...


God!
Saved my blog's playlist!
Gosh.
Thank Goodness.


Should change my blogskin?
Yes, I should.
And I did.


Love Inuyasha!
Love Cherries!


Fly.

Gone.


I just realised how long
I've not updated.
Well.
I'm back.


Exams are drawing closer
So I'm practically slacking right now...


Darn.
My playlist doesn't work anymore.
Stupid restrictions.


Lit Play was pretty okay.
Didn't get into the top 3.
What matters is having a good time.
Right?


Gosh.
I want my songs back.
Ugh.


Got The Lost Symbol already.
New Headphone and computer.
Yay?


Hmm... I can't really think
Of anything now...
Maybe that's why I haven't been updating.


I guess I'll check facebook now...


I Heart The All American Rejects.

Summer.


I haven't been updating lately.
So.
Here I am.


Just had PTM.
Sigh.
Really hope to do Pure Science.


Tomorow's my sister's convocation.
(Formal Graduation with diplomas.)
Must wake up early.
Argh.


Lit Play drawing really close
Left with less than a week.
ARGH.


Still have Teachers' Day.
Going back to Peiying I guess.
I hope my ex- classmates do too.
I miss them.


Must work hard.
Must do well in Maths.
Sigh.


Must watch
(500) Days Of Summer.
If it's not rated, that is.
Love the soundtrack.


Will update soon. I think.
(:


Autumn and Winter.

Vintage.


It's gonna be National Day soon.
Yay...
Tomorrow have to either
Wear red and white
Or traditional costume.
Ugh.


Anyways,
There was SCI today.
It's like internal so...
Not much people.
At least I got my badge.


Audition was on today too.
But too bad I was doing gifts,
So I couldn't watch.


Supposed to go to the history trip
Today.
But we can't go due to SCI.
Sigh.
At least we get to go with other councillors
Who missed it today as well.


I think I'm gonna faint in Lit play
And Elementz
And Choir preparation for International Competition
And EOY exams.
Then again, I can't faint
At such a critical time.
People will be affected.


As if.


I heart classic.

Sun.


Well. Nothing much.
Just updated my class blog.
CCA has started.
Ugh.


Tests. Tests. Tests.
Oh come on.
Enough already.


Lit play.
Not so good for me.
Will people stop pressuring me?
Gosh. It's not easy, okay.
If it's so easy,
I'll like to see YOU do it.


I'm pretty emotionless today.
Just a straight face.
And a monotonous tone.


I've not been thinking much lately.
I just feel something's weird.
More like different?
I'm not sure what it is.
But it's bugging me.
Lots.


Well. I guess that's all.
For now.


Moon.

Denial.


Today was so chaotic.
People should know what
I'm talking about.
Those who stayed back for
Props.


Just hope things get better
Tomorrow.


Ugh.
I sort of miss AYG?
Not as much as the
2008 Beijing Olympics.
GO SOUTH KOREA
YOUTH TEAM!
(Especially football, in fact, only them.)


Choir's about to start soon.
Next week.
Heard we're going to
Hong Kong at the end of the year.
(Choir overseas trip)
Not confirmed though.


Lit play's a bit shaky.
I'm not sure if I can even
Memorise the lines.


Some peoples really have to respect
Other's privacy.
Really.
If I say no,
IT MEANS NO.


Well then,
I guess there isn't anything much now
Is there?


Shut up.

Goodbye.


South Korea won the football finals.
Yay!
Supported them all the way.
They beat North Korea
(who's player had a red card)
2 to 0.
Amazing game play.
Really.
(Aggressive too.)
That leaves North Korea 2nd
And Iran 3rd.


AYG is coming to an end tomorrow.
Time flies, really.
If YOG is going to be that short,
I guess they are just keeping to
Their budget.


I wanted to watch football live
Today.
But I had plans today,
Going to Orchard to buy materials
For Board Game project
With Zara.
Art Friend was like a ticking bomb.
Their prices was explosive.
Really.


We got our stuff.
We headed out of Takashimaya,
And guess who we saw
At the entrance.


Surprise, Surprise!
It's Kai Xiang.
We were thinking what is he doing here,
In such a classy place.
Turns out he was meeting his
Cousin to watch a movie.
Asked directions to Somerset.
Didn't expect anyone from our class
To come here.


Went to Starbucks,
Discussed about project.
And Zara went home first.
I stayed around, Got a Starbucks drink.
Went home later because I didn't want to
Miss the football match.


I'm just glad South Korea won.
Hope they do the same for next year's
YOG.
(:
I guess they'll all be the same players?


Future.